I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
