I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
