her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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