You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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