I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
