you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
