I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize