do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
