I have demons in me.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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