wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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