I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
