i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
