You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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