My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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