At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
