remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
