do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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