Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
