i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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