I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
