our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
