How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
