if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
