i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
