just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
