Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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