i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Your dad touched me again.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i black out too much to be "responsible"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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