would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
