shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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