Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
