life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
