I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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