I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
