It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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