I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
