at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
