the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
