I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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