And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
