She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
