and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize