i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm like, not good at living.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
