a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I know her cup size but not her name....
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