he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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