I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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