Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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