i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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