There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
