...so i touched it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
