you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
