How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I have tasted many bathrooms
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
