problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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