I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
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