i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
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