Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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