we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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