Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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