call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
