omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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