Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
