Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
