In the future we'll all be gay
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
