Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
