Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
