i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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