i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Fuck appropriateness.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
