She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
