so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
