Can i not drive my cunt home
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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