You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
