and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
