You really coming over, don't trick.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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