you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
