summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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