My cat gives me a boner
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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