Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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