how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just want to make out with him forever
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
