i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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