We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
