I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
