Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
