My brain says no but my pants say off.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
